Link's Potion Show
by Splitz-Girl
Summary: Link solves problems using potions but it doesnt work out so well...
1. Zelda and C Falcon

I do not own the following characters.

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Welcome to the Link Potion Show! A show where Link solves people's problems with potions and a twist!

"Ok!" shouts Link. "Everyone has agreed to be my test subjects! Let's welcome Zelda!"

Everyone claps.

Zelda comes on stage blowing kisses to everyone. Unfortunately they were kisses of death so half the audience died.

"Zelda!" shouted Link happily. "What's your problem?"

"Well," She replied. "I always wanted to be cuter. If it's possible!"

She winked at some guys in the audience and they fainted.

"Ok!" says Link. "Let's begin!"

He pulls out a pink potion and plucks a hair from Zelda's head.

"I need a DNA sample so the potion will make ZELDA cuter than she already is."

He puts the hair into the potion. The potion turns green.

Link hands Zelda the potion.

Zelda drinks the potion. (Duh)

POOF! PIF! PIM! MOUP! SOUP! WHAT NOISE IS THERE LEFT TO MAKE!

Zelda was turns into a golden retriever.

Than she sees a banana and eats it and for some reason, starts speaking French.

"Link! Tu es un cochon! Je ne veux pas être un chien! Mange merde!"

Eventually Zelda got tired and got a job as a guide dog.

"Our next test subject! Please welcome Captain Falcon!" Said Link.

Captain Falcon walked on winking at girls in the audience.

Unfortunately, nobody thought he was hot.

Suddenly, a fat, ugly, stupid girl named Nobody ran on stage and hugged Captain Falcon.

"TAKE ME I'M YOURS!" she shouted.

However, Captain Falcon was so stupid that when Nobody touched him, she melted to the ground, for some reason.

"Ok, what's your problem?" asked Link.

"I need to be sexier!" says Captain Falcon.

Suddenly, Captain Falcon farts.

Then he farts again.

Link plucks a hair from Captain Falcon and puts it into a purple potion. The potion turns orange.

Captain Falcon pulls out a fork and uses it to drink the potion.

FLUFF! FLIM! MOT! TUD! I SEE NO POINT IN CONTINUING!

Captain Falcon is turned into a rock.

Suddenly, the girls start screaming stuff like-

"OMG! HE'S SO HOT!" and "WE LOVE YOU, CAPTAIN FALCON!"

Then a fan girl kidnaps the rock that is Captain Falcon.

"Our next test subject is Marth!" shouts Link!

_To be continued_

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_Author's notes: READ AND REVIEW!_


	2. Marth and Kirby

_I do not own any of the following characters._

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"And our next test subject is Marth!" shouted Link.

Marth walks on waving at the audience shouting "Hello, Ladies!"

A mob of fangirls screamed and came on stage and Marth freaked out.

He took his girly tiara thing and chucked to the back of the gigantic room.

The mob of fan girls, like a colony of ants run to the girly tiara thing.

Marth lets out a girly sigh.

"Throwing very light things takes all the energy out of me! And- Oh sugar! I broke a nail!"

The girls stared at him blankly.

Crickets chirped.

Suddenly, Link shouted-

"AH! THOSE THINGS ARE BACK! EVERYONE OUT! AND SOMEBODY CALL THE EXTERMINATOR!"

Everyone screams and rampages out the door.

1 week later

"Ok!" shouts Link, happily. "Now that our bug problem is over, let's get back to the show! Speaking of problems, what's yours Marth?"

"Well,"

Marth hesitates.

"Does this have to be on live tv?"

"Yes." Link replies. "It is posted on 50 channels right now and on the internet and all over the city on giant screens."

Marth lets out another girly sigh.

"Well, I want Roy to fall in love with me, so I have to be gay. Can you make me gay?"

"Ok…" says Link.

Link pulls out a red potion and plucks a hair from Marth. He eats it. Then he take s another hair. He eats that too. Finally, he takes a hair from Marth and puts it inside the potion. He gives it to Marth.

Marth says-

"How many calories are in that? I'm on a diet."

"Shut up." Says Link.

Marth drinks the potion.

CHUS! SOL! LEF! FOU! I'M BORED!

And Marth becomes-

Exactly the same as before.

The mob of fangirls look at Marth.

They suddenly burst out crying.

And screaming.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" "IT CAN'T BE TRUE!" "IT'S JUST A BAD DREAM! WAKE UP DAMMIT! WAKE UP!" "WHYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

Suddenly Roy throws himself from out of the audience and says-

"Oh, Marth! You gorgeous hunk! I never knew!"

They go off stage as a bunch of Roy Fangirls started crying.

Then they blew up.

"Our next subject," announced Link, "Is Kirby!"

Kirby walks on stage but a light breeze somehow came through the window.

Kirby, weighing only 0.00000000000000000000000000000000000001 mg, was swept away by the wind. The wind carried him out into space where he met a weird alien named Shoobie. Shoobie took Kirby back to her home planet but it was on one on Mercury's Moons so Kirby melted into this weird orange goo. A giant squid with a space helmet came out of nowhere and then touched the goo. It touched the goo and the giant squid got electrified.

"Ok…" said Link.

To be continued.

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Author's notes: Don't blame me if you didn't like the Marth is already gay idea you Marth-Fans. It was funny.


	3. Mario

sorry this took so long, I'm getting lazy.

_x_

"Welcome back to Link's potion show!" shouted Link into the empty auditoriom.

The janitor walked across the stage sweeping away the dust.

"Show's next week, Link."

_x_

Everybody filed into the auditoriom and sat down.

They waited.

No Link.

They waited some more.

No Link.

They all went out for ice cream and came back.

No Link.

Suddenly Luigi walked on to the stage.

"Um, hi. Link isn't here today. He's in court getting sued by a guide dog. Anyone know who the guide dog is? No? Um, ok. Let's move on. Um... wait what's this show about?"

Luigi paces around the stage oblivious to the enormous sign hanging above the stage saying 'LINK'S POTION SHOW'. He then trips over his own feet and is knocked out by banging his head on the floor.

The janitor comes in with a broom and sweeps him offstage.

Peach walks in chewing a piece of gum.

"Hey peoplez! How's it goin'? I'm your hostess for today! Any questions?"

A guy in the front row stands up.

"Yeah, how come-"

"SHUT UP! DID I SAY YOU COULD TALK?! THIS IS MY SHOW AND YOU WILL RESPECT THAT!"

Peach takes out a rocket laucher and shoots the guy's head up.

Then she pulls a barrel fromher purse(Don't ask me how, ask Peach) and stuffs the guy's body into it and throws it out the window where a bird picks up the barrel and drops it into the ocean where a fish looks at it and eats a cookie.

"Anyone else have a question?" asked Peach sweetly.

Another guy stood up.

"Yeah. Why is-"

"WHAT IS IT WITH YOU PEOPLE! WHY DO YOU KEEP INTERUPTING ME?!"

She takes a samurai sword and cuts the guy's leg off and uses it to beat the guy sensless before throwing him in a blender and putting the remains in a pie.

"Pie, anyone?" asked Peach.

Half the audience throws up.

The barf explodes.

Don't ask me why.

Peach blows a bubble with her gum but it pops all over her face and she starts to suffocate.

Peach falls to the floor trying to pry the gum from her face.

The janitor comes in with a broom and sweeps her offstage.

Falco jumps in crazily.

"IT'S FALCO TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME!"

The janitor comes in with a broom and sweeps him offstage.

"BUT THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ME!" yells Falco.

Link comes back from court.

"Sorry I'm late folks. We couldn't understand what Zelda was saying."

Link sits down.

"Ok. Our next subject is Mario! Let's give him a hand!"

The audience applauds as Mario walks in drinking something orange from a bottle.

"Mario," says Link, "What are you drinking?"

"It's-a some kind of-a orange goo that I-a found in-a space. It-a looked yummy so I-a scooped some up!"

Link looked disgusted.

"Where in space?" he asked.

"By-a one of-a mercury's moons."

Link throws up.

Mario starts eating something.

"What are you eating?"

"Fried-a squid. I-a found it-a near the-a goo."

"You're sick. OK! Let's begin! Mario! What's your problem?"

"I'm-a always saying dumb-a things. It-a scares away the-a girls."

"OK! We can fix that!"

Link plucks one of Mario's hairs out.

He sticks it into a blue potion. The potion turns yellow.

Link hands the potion to Mario.

Mario drinks it.

POOF! FIDD! DRET! TYRP! I'M BORED!

Mario's tongue disappears.

Mario faints.

The janitor comes in with a broom and sweeps him offstage.

"Crap," says Link, "That's another lawsuit for me!"

A girl from the audience knocks out Link by throwing a rock at him. She then steals his hat.

The audience gets bored and leaves.

Link is still on the floor.

The janitor comes in with a broom and sweeps him offstage.

_x_

YAY! I updated!


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